On Being A Husband Of An Excellent Wife

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (Proverbs 31:10, 11; 26-31)

This past Tuesday I was reminded of how incredible my wife is.

Tuesdays in the office are generally the busiest day of the week for me. It’s the first day back in the office after the weekend and there’s plenty to do! In addition to the normal things I can anticipate on these days, this particular first day of my week was especially full. I had a couple of extended appointments blended into the normal meeting batter and by early afternoon it was about 120 degrees in my office. (That’s an exaggeration, in case you are wondering.) However, these added variables in themselves weren’t what pushed me into extra-high speed. Here’s what did:

My wife, Jessie, took a much-needed vacation day on Tuesday following her full weekend of Soiree prep. So, she wasn’t here in the office…but both of our boys were!

Yes, I played Mr. Mom on Tuesday, and brought both boys to the office. I took Jaden (4) to Koast Kids upon our arrival, and signed Van (5 months) into Baby Buds. (Actually, that’s not true! I forgot to sign him in; fortunately, he wasn’t sent home with another parent.) Once Jaden was in KK, he was pretty much good to go for the day. Van, on the other hand, required a bit more of my attention. There were bottle feedings, nap times, excessive spitting up (read: puking), and not a little crying! Without the help of my assistant Jessica, I myself may have ended up crying! By the time 4pm rolled around, I was amazed at how little non-meeting work I had been able to accomplish. I packed up our stuff, picked up the boys and headed home.

My full day didn’t end there. It wasn’t until about 8:30 that evening when Van went down to bed that I unwound on the couch and watched an episode of “Glutton For Punishment” (no pun intended) on the Food Network.

Million dollar question: How do our wives do it?

This Tuesday was the first time I’ve ever had both boys with me in the office (and with Jessie gone). I’m sure that if it was a recurring thing, I would get more used to it, develop an improved system, better resource my assistant, etc. HOWEVER… I can’t imagine ever being as good at this as my wife.

I’ve recently felt challenged and encouraged by the Lord to think of goals for my marriage (and my family—perhaps that’s a journal entry for another time!). In church, as well as in the corporate world, we hear a lot about “mission” and goals for the things we are called to do. This is HUGELY important—and biblical. In fact, Proverbs 29:18 says that without vision, people are unrestrained and scattered (in other words, they’re all over the place instead of assembled together in unity, purpose, and focus on a common end). Generally, the problem isn’t with the people…it’s with the leader who is responsible for casting a vision for people to follow.

Marriage is no exception to this. While we don’t have to get all business-like when thinking about marriage, it is clear that husbands are called to lead their wives and families. So, I’ve been asking God, “What is the vision you would have me focus on for my marriage/my wife?” With God’s help and His word, I wrote down these goals:

1) Serve her increasingly; 2) Listen to her better; 3) Promote her more; 4) Teach our sons to honor her.

By no means is this a complete list…but it’s a start. I think these are pretty good goals; after all, they’re all kingdom principles—and nothing that I’ve invented.

Another question I asked the Lord is, “What about an overarching mission for my marriage?” I like to think of mission as the destination I want to reach…and goals as the means or steps to get there. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was another thing I wasn’t going to have to “try to figure out.” The mission that GOD gives to husbands is very clear:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Guys, this is a tall order. It’s a bit sobering and daunting when we consider all of what it means. But with God’s help, it is possible—or else He wouldn’t have instructed us to do it. So there it is. Yes, indeed, I…or rather, WE (husbands, that is) have our work cut out for us! But how merciful of the Lord to give us the vision and goals for how to love our wives the way God intends.

I leave you with this suggestion: Do this for your own marriage…AND write it down. In Habakkuk 2:2, the prophet is instructed by God to write the vision He is giving him on tablets of stone so the one who reads it can run well (i.e., know where he’s going and how to get there!). Something becomes real to us and gets activated in us when we write these things down.

Lest there be any confusion about this journal, let me state for the record: I am not a great husband. Like any husband, I have a LOT to learn and a LOT of room to grow. I also have PLENTY of brokenness and issues that need the Lord’s touch so that my wife will be blessed and not hurt by me; moved forward and not set back by my leadership in our marriage. I want to be a man like Paul who, recognizing that he had not yet arrived, took that as a motivation and encouragement to press forward—leaning in with all his might—and reach for the “prize” contained in God’s calling on his life. It’s a high calling indeed…and one that’s worth everything that it costs me.