Help My Unbelief!

But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"

And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:22-24)

God, help my unbelief!

I re-read these verses this morning and once again am encouraged by the vulnerability and honesty of the father in this story. More than I am actively aware of (and more than I'd like to admit), there are areas of unbelief in my heart. I'm not talking about "God, are You really there?" kinds of questions. In the big picture arena, I have confidence: I know that God is there, that He is good, and can do the miraculous. What I'm realizing is that disbelief sneaks into my soul with regards to "Will You do this--for me" kinds of questions.

What I am describing here is challenging to articulate. I don't walk around with thoughts of "God, I don't think You can/will do this for me; I don't think You can/will change me." Yet, somehow I am aware of a hidden, undercurrent-mindset in me that must be based on unconscious (or semi-conscious) conclusions that I have made about what will or will not happen in and through my life. I wouldn't say, "That's just the way I am; I'm not going to change"; BUT... at times I seem to "act" (read: live) like it! My action (or lack of it) "speaks" these words without me having to mouth (or even think) them.

My job isn't to spend time and energy and thought trying to decide whether or not God will do a particular thing in me. My "job" (better said, God's invitation to me) is to trust and choose again and again to believe that He is good and has my best interest in mind. To delight myself in Him daily, and live out my belief that all things are indeed possible in God--for him who chooses to believe. I want to be counted amongst these kind of believers. Life in this world is often hard and painful. But in the midst of all that, there is an adventure awaiting me that I'm eager to experience. In these days, I'm asking God to search my heart for an hurtful ways that are in me. I want to exchange my unbelief for faith-fueled action. I'm praying that God will give me the courage to do that with the dawn of each new day.